Are You Susceptible?

Have you ever heard someone describe a situation and think to yourself “I would never do something like that.”? We tell ourselves that a crisis pregnancy situation would never happen to us.  We would never make that dreadful decision that terminates our motherhood. Hmmm.  The situations and realities of our circumstances play a critical role in our ability to hold steadfast to our beliefs. Having a safe place to take a deep breath and take stock of our fundamental values is huge - especially when a woman finds out she is pregnant.  This is Lexi’s story.

Real life scenarios play a huge role in a woman’s ability to make a choice with regard to her future and the life of her child.  But, we also believe that only God creates life and does not make mistakes, so an unexpected pregnancy is really only unexpected for her.  Something that appears to be impossible to incorporate into her “plan or existence” may be a life changing grace; they just don’t know it. It is our job to help these women differentiate and evaluate what is in their heart versus what is in their head. 

Lexi’s Story

Lexi was in one of those scenarios where pregnancy was not expected nor welcome at this time.  For a little background, she is one of 8 daughters.  She had a rough childhood.  At the young age of 17, not yet an adult, she left her family to live on her own.  After some time, Lexi met the baby's father, and shortly after they married.  She finally had a good home, a successful partner with more than adequate finances.  They agreed on growing their family and soon after their son was born.  

Unfortunately, her good life did not last very long as he turned dark and his loving demeanor vanished.  He became abusive, mostly verbally at first, got angry very easily and, the hardest part for her, was he went out almost every night with other women. She thought she had escaped the chaos of her childhood. She had fought for herself qnd found a better place with a man she thought she trusted. She wondered what she had done to deserve continued hardships.  But she also knew how to be strong and to advocate for herself, she had done so most of her life. 

Finally, she told him she would no longer put up with his behavior. She was concerned for herself and her son.  His response was to beat her so badly it sent her to the hospital.  It was there  she found out she was also pregnant.  He was arrested and is still currently incarcerated and for how long is still to be determined.  At this point, while she was recovering, she was undecided about this pregnancy because she knew it would be hard with two children and no home or job. Her head told her that abortion would be the better option in her circumstances.  

Not sure where to turn, she moved back to her hometown and was living with one of her sisters.  She learned that her parents had split and her mother was homeless - a drug addict who "parties in the streets" as Lexi put it.  She would be of no support. Her dad had recently started to try and be a part of her life, but a lot of damage had been done and repair would happen slowly.  She stated that she does not want to be involved with her husband anymore.

As she told her story, we helped her see that, even though her situation was seemingly overwhelming, she had overcome obstacles in the past. By talking out her situation and her strengths, she slowly came to realize that she could do it again. In her heart, without considering her challenges, she admitted she wanted to keep the baby, but she was scared and concerned about the future. She was scared about the pregnancy as well.  

As she described it, her son was born via emergency C section at 32 weeks. Only 3 pounds at birth, he had fought hard for his life.  She also had two other pregnancies prior to this one, one ending in miscarriage and the other ectopic, so she knew the pain of losing a child. 

All of this came pouring out as she felt for the first time that someone would listen, she was being heard, and her concerns and emotions were validated.  It gave her the space to admit her fears, but also see that someone cared and was genuinely there to help her. It is important for all of us to understand that her heart is where her decision needs to come from because that is where her happiness or sadness stem from.  And that was the decision between keeping the baby and abortion.  

In our conversation, she stated that she did have a belief in God and understood that sometimes we are given unexpected challenges. But he does not give us what we cannot handle. Sometimes the most difficult parts of our lives are also the most fulfilling.  She was being given the opportunity to again love something more than her life itself. Through this discussion, she said, "Well saying it like that just made my decision to keep this baby much easier".   You could see the weight lift off of her shoulders, she began to smile, and realized that she had been granted another chance for the ultimate gift.

We tell you this story because it is important to understand the impact that personal situations can have on a woman’s decision process.  With her first three pregnancies, she never even thought of having an abortion.  She wanted to be a mother and loves her children.  But because of her unexpected circumstances, she considered doing something she never thought she would do.  Women choose abortion based on fear and vulnerability and often experience great sadness for the loss. Post-abortion stress disorder is well documented (and we will be doing an episode on it in the future). Abortion is more difficult than a natural loss of a pregnancy, because it often adds feelings of guilt and shame to an already traumatic experience. Recovery from this type of tragedy can take years, and the pain is commonly suppressed and managed alone.  This is why it is imperative for an abortion-minded woman to find the support to peel back the layers of “her onion”, to weigh all of the pros and cons, to explore her options, so that she can make the decision that she will be happy with for the rest of her life.  

We were able to connect Lexi with other resources to support her throughout her pregnancy.  She was grateful for the care and help we provided.  She had the chance to finally open herself up and let her real thoughts and feelings be exposed.  She had the opportunity to find the inner strength to do the meaningful, hard things that make life worthwhile.  In the end, Lexi’s story demonstrates the meaning of the slogan “save them both”.  Her decision saved two lives, not just one.